Monthly Archives: August 2010

World domination tip: get yourself a zombie army

When you command an army of zombies, you will win battles. (If you take anything away from this book, I hope it’s that.)

Title: The Art of Zombie Warfare: How to Kick Ass Like the Walking Dead
Author: Scott Kenemore
Year: 2010
Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Do you spend an inordinate amount of time dreaming up ways to conquer the world? (Or maybe just a nation or two?) Or perhaps you’re simply a student of the military arts who finds enjoyment in the exercise of strategic thinking? Whatever the case, those with an interest in military affairs, or anyone looking for a special edge on the battlefield, might like to know about this little volume from Skyhorse Publishing, which describes the numerous advantages to be gained by employing zombies rather than traditional soldiers.

Just think of it, now. There are all kinds of ways a zombie soldier is superior to a normal human soldier. Zombies are killing machines; they can both take and dish out a lot of damage. They inspire utter terror in their victims. They feel no fear and they never experience morale issues. They never retreat and they never give up striving to reach their objective (killing anyone in sight and eating their brains). They don’t have to wait around for orders, but instead take the initiative to attack on their own. They don’t need lots of fancy weapons and equipment. Hell, you don’t even need to pay them, since money means nothing to them. If one of them is captured and questioned, they can’t betray you (since they either can’t talk, or can’t comprehend the questions, or just don’t care).

Actually, the above paragraph pretty much encapsulates what you’ll find in this book, so if you can figure that much out on your own, maybe it’s not such a necessary read. There are endless (endless, I say!) repetitions of the above points in slightly different contexts, along with frequent mentions of ass-kicking and brain-eating. There’s quite a bit more style than substance here, but hey, it’s obviously meant as a bit of fun aimed at zombie afficianados. So if you just can’t get enough zombie lore in your life, this may be your thing. It might make a nice conversation piece, sitting there on your coffee table for visitors to see. And it’s got some cool black & white & red (blood, you see) illustrations of zombies ripping people apart and so forth.

So… find yourself a zombie army, and go forth and conquer!